Why all of this fuss and moping!
Over a tiny bit of groping!
Don’t look at me, look at Bill!
Everyone grabs women against their will!
It’s not like it’s some sort of crime –
(You don’t say!? It is? Um, look at the time…)
Well no one respects women more than me!
Just ask Weiner, Spitzer or Bill Cosby.
Besides, accusers one and two and three,
Are not attractive enough for me,
And accusers four and five and six,
Are just pawns in the media’s bag of tricks.
America, tear down this unfair belief!
That a serial assaulter can’t be Commander in Chief!
So go out and vote from Utah to the Carolinas,
(And ladies, when I win, hide your vaginas).